“Disabled” Isn’t the Only Word That Describes Me

It’s not an exclusive adjective, ya know. I’m disabled AND…

Fit. Outgoing. Adventurous. Talented. Pretty. Funny. Called by God.

Also… Selfish. Prideful. Emotional. etc. (I’m not totally arrogant; I’ve learned to love myself. There’s a difference.)

~

Recently, a well-meaning friend had the audacity to say to me in conversation, “I’m sure YOU don’t know what it’s like to feel insecure.”

Should I be flattered? Apparently, I’ve come so close to full circle in my “disability journey” that my confidence appears iron-clad.

I had to set the record straight!

[FYI: I have Friedreich’s Ataxia.]

The progression from walking worse and worse to finally using a walker, then a wheelchair, was extremely difficult. For a while, I tried to hide or downplay my stagger. That’s not so hard as a college freshman/sophomore. Just chock it up to a few too many drinks!

When I reached the point of needing a walker, my self-esteem was on the floor. To the average person, becoming handicapped is one of the worst scenarios imaginable…

There’s so many things I wouldn’t be able to do. My confidence would be shattered. My life would be over.

~

It took me a couple months over one summer to get used to the walker. Here’s the unexpected and life-changing part: everything got so much better, so much easier. No more helplessly clinging to a friend’s arm for extra stability, or, upon entering a room, automatically scoping out where the nearest wall/desk/etc. is, in case I need to steady myself.

Wow! This is what true freedom of mobility feels like.

On the first day of my junior year in college, I walked/rolled into my courses with a newfound confidence. I recall wearing a pretty dress that day, along with winged eyeliner. My highlighted-blonde hair cascaded down my back to my waist. I was just a cool, normal girl who happened to have a disability.

The rest is history. There have been a few changes in the decade since then; I’ve unfortunately lost a few abilities, I use a manual or electric wheelchair 24/7, etc.

I’ve settled into an almost-impenetrable state of acceptance, self-assurance, optimism, and gratitude. I’m only human, so of course I have pity parties, especially after a big fall or some other setback. But the bad mood always passes. Nothing can keep a fighting spirit down forever!

Self-doubt, self-loathing, fear, and shame are chains I broke in a big way in my early 20’s. I have overcome so much, AND I still overcome the challenges of life with a disability every day.

Referring to the fears I mentioned earlier about becoming disabled –

There’s so much I can’t do – AND there’s so much I CAN do. I’m disabled – AND confident! My life is a light for others, and I plan to keep shining bright for a long time. ♥